With Halloween rapidly approaching, all the tight and naughty costumes are appearing along store aisles. The traditional flirtatious professional (maid, nurse, witch) dresses should raise their hems in welcoming a new sexy outfit: teacher. I’m picturing something like the hot librarian look, only involving a sweater with charms hanging off of it.
It has been well documented, primarily by Van Halen in the song Hot for Teacher, that guys often fantasize about getting high marks from an older lady for their stand-up performance. What seems to be forgotten is the female fantasy of bedding the hot, older and more knowledgeable man (Professor Ryan, of GMU’s Internet Literacy course, if you’re somehow reading this, I mean you). The Police’s song Don’t Stand So Close to Me is the theme song for the professor fetish.
The erotic side of education did get a back-to-school lesson the other week when a third grade teacher inadvertently used pornographic typeface. Luckily she just handed it out to the parents, and most of them did not notice. If most of these parents didn’t know what they were looking at, I can’t help but wonder how they got kids in the first place. Then again, it often seems it is the stupid people who are breeding. If that is the case, Pamela Rogers should be kept behind bars. The former teacher got sent back to prison last summer after she sent suggestive photographs of herself to the same 14 year-old student with whom she had a sexual relationship, landing her in prison in the first place. Using the stupidity breeds theory, I’m amazed she doesn’t already have a litter, especially since she was originally caught via her My Space postings/video about the affair.
For more on those whack-job women who are making teenage boys’ dreams come true check Sir Rodney’s blog on TILFs. It is an enlightening glimpse into the male mind.
In mythology a silver bullet is used to kill the werewolf. California Exotic’s silver bullet is used give your internal beast rapturous life.
Everywhere a sex-toy-loving gal goes there is someone expounding on the virtues of the Silver Bullet vibrator. Its oblong shape makes it perfect for tucking into a hollow silicone dildo, or into you. Operated via power-cord by two AA batteries, the toy also comes in egg shape, pocket and double pocket varieties; making the tucking and rubbing possibilities endless as the imagination.
This brilliant toy shines above the rest in price as well starting at a mere $7.95 at the Booble Store. Get one for yourself, get one for your lover or get a double to share with your wolf in “la petit mort,” just get one and feel like gold. Even though it’s silver, this vibrator ranks first place.
The word “repository” (a receptacle or place where things are deposited) belongs nowhere in erotica.
“He deposited his seed in her silky, wet repository . . . ”
It sounds like a Biology Ph.D. getting it on with the head librarian, only less attractive.
Yet a repository (an abundant source or supply) is exactly what Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository is. They expound about their 1,000+ authors. They indulge themselves in collections and indexes. They raise their glasses and toast themselves as the erotic repository of erotic repositories.
So what? They failed to put the erotic in the repository. Unless a bewildering navigation system (one that makes me appreciate Dewey of the decimal system enough to do him) gets you hot, then you better bring a sweater and a lot of patience.
Oh, you also might want to bring a bucket, for puking.
The stories that were easily accessible (I like easy) were disgusting both in content and grammar. Many of the stories involve children . . . and awful comma usage.
I read very little and recommend never visiting this site. It is a repository (a burial place), but erotic it is not. Steer clear.
If you’re looking for an much better attempt at online erotic fiction library, try literotica.com.
The pool of jokes about the dumb slut (predominantly featuring blondes) is evaporating.
Knowledge engenders possibilities. The educated female is the new pimp. Books are a sexy girl’s best bikini.
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Catherine A. Liszt and therapist Dossie Easton, is as sexy as a thong on a juicy apple ass. Their theories on “consensual nonmonogamy” can be summed up as “a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.”
The publisher of this radical proposition is Greenery Press, which prints under the slogan “reading for the sexually adventurous.”
Not sure you’re that adventurous? Then check out the Ethical Slut quiz offered by OKCupid, a free online dating site. Your answers rate your ethical-sluttiness.
This is more of a multiple-choice test than a quiz. Fifty some-odd questions ranging from ethics, to know-how’s, to frightening facts, this exam made me feel a bit like I should have studied before starting.
Its intensity aside, OKCupid’s quiz makes you think about what an “ethical slut” is in terms of modern society. These are the philosophical queries that make one into the Goddess of Geeks whether she chooses to be a slut, ethically or otherwise.
In case you’re wondering how I scored . . . let’s just say I need to work a bit on the ethical part . . .
An adorable, elderly lady is holding up a big, red dildo and making smoochy noises.
Meet Sue Johanson, a.k.a. “Sex Grandma,” from “Talk Sex” a Canadian born TV show that also airs Sunday nights on Oxygen.
My first reflex is laughter. As she explains the delicate side of blow-jobs with a dildo in hand, waving it around like it’s a baseball bat to boot, this grandmother is not a novelty like G.L.F.s (grandmas you want to fuck), but a rather dry educator. If she was young and hot her show would be almost boring . . .
“Hey if it doesn’t happen,” she comforts a male caller who can’t always locate his woman’s g-spot, “at least you’ll have a dry bed.”
She cheerily demonstrates how to move a vibrator along a penis for his arousal. She uses explicit gestures to explain the finesse of giving woman cunnilingus. She pretends to play ping-pong with an anal bead and cock ring combo.
There is still a temptation to call and ask her if men like blow-jobs better from ladies with no teeth, but this is an honest curiosity and I don’t think she’d break stride for a second. Maybe her name should be changed to “Great Sex Guru,” because she has an answer for any question and dolls/toys to demonstrate any position.
